…because I have been tirelessly stressing over a long-term solution for childcare since BD left. I’ve been very unlucky in finding an actual childcare center to accommodate my off-shift hours of every Saturday and Sunday 7am – 7:30pm (rain, shine, sleet, snow, and holidays). Those are my primary hours. The option of moving to 2nd shift during the regular work week was gone by the time I got notice he was leaving as the position was filled. The same goes for the first shift positions. Working first shift was my last resort anyway as it doesn’t pay as well as working off-shift. I love my current work hours too and wasn’t looking forward to possibly having to give it up. Anyway I sliced it, I kept coming up with the figure of $700 to $800+ per month for childcare (not including transportation costs or any other costs) for a 40-hour work week. Even the first few babysitters I talked to said their charge was $5/hour. I’ve never been good at math but 5 * 40 = $200/week = $800/month….damn. I was beginning to think it was hopeless. I make good money but not good enough to pay anything close to $800 a month on childcare, not by myself, and I wouldn’t want to pay that to a babysitter when my favor goes to licensed centers and providers. I was able to find a few sitters who said they’d take a considerably less amount, but obviously my worry is the quality of care would be considerably less. I think that’s a valid fear, but I know that’s not necessarily the case when I’ve considered how much I would charge to babysit. I probably wouldn’t charge more than $125/week for a kid regardless of age, and that’s considerably less than what I was finding and the care I’d provide would be thebomb.com.
At this point, I’ve only gotten around to interviewing 1 potential baby-sitter for the weekend. She didn’t seem too bad really, but I do have a few concerns regarding her having a dog and a cat, a 2 year-old-son, and not enough space for Karma to be as active as she is. She’s also not close to home and she’s in the opposite direction of work. It’s just not ideal for me, but there was nothing that stood out as a huge red flag, she has some qualities I like, and I kind of settled with the idea of having no other choice. Since interviewing her, I have a couple more potential sitters who are waiting on me to contact them to set up a time to meet. I actually just contacted one of them today. The problem is that my current childcare arrangement with my cousin is that Karma is with her right now while my cousin tends to obligations she had prior to her taking on Karma as one. They were here with me for 2 weeks. I took them back to St. Louis last week and spent a few days there with Karma before coming back home for a week. The holiday is Monday and I took off the day after to maximize the time I’m there before having to come back home. So far, it’s working out well. We’ve arranged what days my cousin gets paid for watching Karma and she gets paid when I get paid. So far, there have been no real issues surrounding our arrangement and I’m praying none come up.
There is a non-issue of BD and his family suddenly contacting me recently wanting to pick up Karma and keep her on days I’m paying my cousin. Actually the first call I got was about them having Karma while I was there last week. The notice was too short and as much as I really didn’t want to give up any of MY time with Karma since I’m suddenly pressed for it, I decided not to be selfish and let them have her the day they asked for. I consoled myself with the thought of it not being one of the days I agreed to pay my cousin. But you give an inch…and they’ve come up with the idea that they should just be able to keep Karma when they want and if those times happen to fall on the days I’ve agreed to pay, I should just not pay my cousin. That’s not going to happen. BD just left and told me to do what I had to do to make “my situation” of needing childcare for “our daughter” work for me as “it’s not his responsibility to help me with my situation”. Enough said. Before he wanted what he wanted, he hadn’t even inquired about what I had come up with for childcare. I would think he’d at least ask out of curiosity. While I was stressing over it, he clearly didn’t care at all about the fact that I needed childcare until he wanted to capitalize on it. In his family’s defense, I now believe they would have helped in this situation if they knew they would be able to spend time with Karma, but the precedent had been set that we don’t deal with each other amongst all the bad blood, whichever was the case first. If they want to change that going forth, it’s a welcome change on my end but my loyalty is to my family in this particular instance and I can’t help that BD told his family too little too late.
At the end of the day, my family has ALWAYS had my back and been there to pick up the slack with reassurance of us existing in each others’ lives to serve that purpose for each other. Of course we have our issues like every other family, but one thing I can say is even my most extended family will bend over backwards to help me. That’s a blessing. I know it, and I’m grateful, especially when a lot of people don’t have that type of support from even their most immediate family. Now here my closest cousin is sacrificing her college summer-break helping me, when she intended to spend it working a summer job. I would have been a fool not to offer her a paid job babysitting for me instead. (Gauranteed money because we all know how those summer jobs can be with that.) That’s what I did and so far it’s working out. Why would I burn a bridge with her and go back on our agreement, especially now that I know she’s looking forward to what I’m paying her? BD’s argument is since she’s my cousin, I shouldn’t have to pay her and that if I want to help her, I should just pay her even on the days he keeps Karma. That’s just stupid. He’s paid his family for helping him before. (I really don’t even want to talk about how stupid this was coming out of his mouth.) I’ll never know if it was required that I pay her because I’m the one who offered. She didn’t decline. We didn’t even discuss her babysitting without pay. I’m not going to just not pay her solely because he wants to interrupt the agreement her and I made when he’s the main reason I had to ask her for help in the first place. It’d be different if my cousin was trying to get out of it, but she’s not. She was reluctant to even agree to take a day off without pay for BD’s sake of wanting to spend time with Karma outside of my cousin’s care, but she agreed. So she’s dependable, has priorities, and she’s doing what I’m paying her for with a smile on her face, but I’m supposed to step on her toes in the name of her being family. That’s stupid and I’m not. Plus, she could have easily said, “no” and decided she didn’t want to help. I wouldn’t want her to wake up one day and say our agreement is off knowing I have no other recourse. Why would I do her that way? On top of it, nobody is missing out on anything. Karma is having a ball. Every time I call she’s laughing and playing in the background. She’s being well looked after. I get a rundown everyday of what she ate, what she did, where she went, what she wore, what she said, and what the next day’s plans are. They’re teaching her to spell words I haven’t gotten to yet. I can’t even really buy this peace of mind. BD is always at my aunt’s house anyway, even before Karma was there. He can go over there whenever he want and spend as much time as he wants with her, but as long as I’m paying for her to be in my family’s care, that’s where she’ll be. I’ve extended the offer to him to help pay for the childcare I have chosen because even though my provider at the moment just so happens to be my relative, I’m still treating this like business. That’s what it is. What he’s suggesting I do to my cousin is the reason why people don’t like to do business with family in the first place. Everyone who’s ever paid childcare knows that when childcare is prearranged it has to be paid for regardless of if the child shows up or not. If Karma was currently in daycare where we live, I’d be telling him the same thing. I’d have to pay for the days she was supposed to be there regardless, and if he wanted her on those days he’d have to pay for them unless he was helping me pay for it regularly. Than we’d divide whatever vacation days she’d have accordingly. Since he’s not helping me with any childcare expenses I’m incurring as a result of him leaving me hanging, I don’t know why he’d expect any sympathy from me especially when he’s the one who can see her and spend as much time as he wants with her right now.
